My name is Saburi Shankar Yadav and I am a transgender woman. My parents named me Shankar Yadav. I'm 26 years old. I was born and brought up in Korba, Chhattisgarh. When I was in school, I felt different from other boys. I also felt uncomfortable when they would talk about girls. But, I really enjoyed talking to girls and being friends with them. I was definitely more comfortable with girls. When they would talk about boys, I would enjoy that too. When I turned 13, I realized that was different from other people and I liked to live like girls do. There was a lot of stigma and discrimination in school life. Literally, because of my activities and because I was “girlish”, the other students would make fun of me and discriminate. I had to be very deliberate about what time I went to the bathroom since I had to use the boys' bathroom. When I would go to the bathroom, I used to see that people were looking at me in a weird way or commenting on me. So, it was a big challenge for me to even go to the bathroom. When I was in 8th grade, 4-5 of the seniors at school came into the bathroom, pulled my clothes and locked me in the bathroom. I was locked in a 3 x 3 space for 40 minutes. One of the cleaners finally came and opened the door. When asked why I was in there, I was not in a situation to say anything. After that day, I didn't have the courage to go back to school. After the 2nd or 3rd day, when I went back to school and told my teacher about the incident, she said it was my fault and I brought it upon myself because I behaved like girls did. After that, I didn't have the courage to go back to school so I dropped out after 8th grade. I studied from 9th-12th grade privately. I also did private college education and graduated successfully. In high school, I studied science, sociology, economics and also Hindi literature in college. I went on to work at an NGO. I became very interested in the social sectors. I wanted to do social work. I wanted to partake in activism. I wanted to work for people like me. I wanted to become a trans activist. The beginning of my police journey was in 2017. There are great trans activists in Chhattisgarh namely Vidya Rajput and Raveena Bareeha who did a lot of activism and spread awareness, sensitization programs, etc and created options for trans people in government jobs. Chhattisgarh was the first state in India which gave options to direct transgenders in government jobs. Then, a column appeared in the police department for trans people. So, there were jobs for male, female as well as transgender people. So, at that time in 2017, I applied for the job and Vidya let me stay with her to prepare for the exam. I cleared the physical exam, but the written exam was a bigger challenge for the trans people since our education had been severely affected due to the discrimination. So, we needed a boost compared to others. Our trans activists like Vidya and Raveena wrote a letter to the ministry to let us stay in the administration academy for a month to prepare for the written test. But, after that month, we needed a place to continue staying at. So, the social welfare department had a building where we stayed and prepared for the test for 6 months. There were about 20 people living there and different teachers used to visit and tutor us on different subjects. We used to get up at 6 am, freshen up and sit for classes at 9 am. Class used to be from 9 to 1. From 1 to 2, we would have lunch and rest. Then we used to study again at 5 pm and then dinner from 8 to 9. From 9 pm to 11 pm we used to study and then off to bed. This was our schedule at that time. After all this effort, we took the written test. However, then the elections happened, and the government changed and the police jobs for us were paused. It was a huge setback for us for which we had given almost a year of our lives. Then, COVID came. And the police jobs pause for us continued until 2021 when the government came back and said that we would need to clear the physical test again. It had been 3 years since the last one. They had updated the tests and was disadvantageous for trans people in India since due to the discrimination, we had never been able to pursue any athletic goals actively. Nevertheless we took the exam and on 30th March, 2021, we got the results. 13 were able to successfully clear the test and I was one of them! After that, we went to police training school where we were trained physically and mentally. We had classes ranging from the constitution, criminology, computers and English language. We were treated very well during training by the staff and teachers. In 2017, when we were preparing for the police, New York Times journalists came to shoot a documentary on us. That was an awesome moment in my life. But since the government changed, the documentary could not be made which was very disappointing. I have now been in this job for about 3 years. While reactions to us being in police jobs have been mixed, I have seen the transition and now people appreciate us being in these jobs. Other transgender people look at us as an inspiration for what they could be. Today, when I talk to transgender people, they say that they feel proud to see me and they want to become like me. So, it is a big thing for me that I am able to inspire others. And especially that I am able to help a community that may not even be considered by their family. This is a big achievement for me. (translated from Hindi audio to English text)

As a female in debate, a predominately male activity, I’ve had to struggle with finding my voice and finding my place. That’s why I hosted Horace Manns gender in debate conference this year where we invited speakers and held workshop sessions about gender inequality.

I was trying to spread awareness, help break the stigma of menstrual hygiene, and promote a sustainable menstrual product by giving a talk about it to the members of my building society. I had planned and prepped for this moment for a long time and had sent out multiple reminders and updates to the society to make sure they would come. In the end there was a grand total of 4 society members who attended the talk which was a bit underwhelming. We did get the female staff members to attend which made a positive impact and difference to them, but it was still disappointing to experience.

For my entire life, the academic environment around me was always hyper competitive. For example, in my elementary and middle school, there was a "best work" board which was saved for only the highest of scorers, and my school had a non-existent athletic and arts program. So the only way students could compare themselves was with grades. The kids with the highest grades were always treated with the utmost respect (by students and teachers alike) and the kids with the lowest grades were often ridiculed by the whole class. This, paired with parental expectations, put me under a lot of pressure from an extremely early age that only increased as I got older. The pressure and need for academic validation got so bad that by the time I was in middle school, my entire self-esteem was based on my grades. It was then that COVID-19 hit. After not having school for basically five whole months, the change of environment that I had to take classes in was like a slap in the face. It was impossible for me to focus on classes when Youtube was just a few keystrokes away. My grades took a big hit, and I lost all motivation to even attend classes anymore. I was failing every test, and somehow even when I cheated on my tests, I would still get subpar grades. Honestly, that time was probably the worst I had felt about myself in my whole life. The isolation combined with my dwindling motivation curbed my self-esteem to an all-time low. I could barely get out of bed and struggled with some really scary thoughts. It slowly got better though. The turning point was finally having a real conversation with my mom. I remember that she told me a lot of stuff that I really needed to hear, like that she knew I was trying my best and, even if I flunked out of high school, she would still love me no matter what. And the next year, when we came back to school in person, I was struggling a lot less and, after a few months, eventually got control back of my grades. I also kept reminding myself that I am so much more than my grades and tried not to put as much emphasis on my academics. I guess the moral of the story is that your self-esteem and view of yourself shouldn't be solely based on achievements or societal expectations. There are some things about ourselves that we can't change and we just have to accept our flaws rather than continually bring ourselves down because of them. If you're ever having a hard time, just talk to someone. You'll be surprised how much a simple conversation can change your perspective and give you some peace. Thanks for listening!

I am an YES (Youth Exchange and Study) Alumni. I completed my exchange year successfully in the U.S. And lived there with a host family. I also went to an U.S. high school. I was placed in Madison, Wisconsin and my school's name was Madison East High. When I got to know that I got selected for this program, I was honestly so excited and couldn't wait to experience new things. The love my host parents gave me is truly unexplainable. They made me feel like home. However, as a 15 year old who had never lived away from their family, it wasn't that easy. Fomo or fear of missing out was a big thing. There were times when I missed my family a lot. There were times when I wished I could just meet my friends from my home country once. It surely affected my mental health. My school was huge! There were so many students. It was a big change for me but I had the ability to get through all this. My adaptibility and flexibility helped me a lot. Being an exchange student is definitely hard but it helps you to be strong and independent. It teaches you stuff that you are going to need all your life. It changes your perspective of viewing the world..you become more acceptant towards new cultures and customs. I'm sharing this story so that the people who read it understand that being an exchange student is not a cup of tea, but the memories and the connections you make are forever going to stick with you so it's definitely worth it!

My freshman year of high school was the rock bottom of my raw sixteen years of life thus far. That summer, my parents had told my brother and me they were getting a divorce. The news absolutely upturned my reality and spun my world around - I'm still spinning, really. Two years later, I continue to feel the magnitude of my parents' separation ripple through my thoughts. It's no easy feat to stomach the idea that my parents, the people who were supposed to be my epitome of happily-ever-after, had fallen out of love.

It's no secret that I was in a vulnerable position that freshman year, following the summer of 2022. It was a time that I was (involuntarily) adjusting to the novel and tender transition into being a child of divorce. It was a time that I was adapting to the idea of no more family dinners, living in two houses, and being away from one parent for a week at once. It was a time that I needed support - support that I was supposed to find in my friends.

Come September, my friend group and I were thriving. I'd always imagined that we'd stick together forever. We'd seen other cliques separate in middle school - but we survived. Surely we'd last. My best friend at the time, R, was my rock. We were an inseparable duo - one that could most definitely brave high school.

I still remember the day that everything fell apart. Freshman year meant parties - real parties. Halloween season arrived, and half of my friend group got invited to said "real party". R was invited. I was not. The part that hurt the most wasn't the invite, rather the fact that I heard of its existence (absence) from hallway talk. Furthermore, nobody - not even R - attempted to get the rest of my group in. It's silly, really, how one stupid invitation to a "cool" party can slice through years of friendship and memories.

From that day forward, R and that seemingly-better half began to hang out with the party group. More and more often, that half of our group would be spotted on SnapMap or other social media platforms with the party group. I refuse to use the term "popular" as a label for the party group. I can recall that after the NYE party, another party that we weren't invited to, we were all sitting at lunch. The party half of my group was talking about their weekend, debriefing on all of the crazy cool stuff we had missed out on. I remember looking across the cafeteria and seeing the party group wave R and the girls over from our table. I can picture how, one by one, R and the girls who were supposed to be my best friends got up and left to sit at the other table. I can feel my heart dropping all over again. Not a single one of them said a word - not in that moment, not later that day, not later that week, and not to this day.

For a while, I held a grudge against them all. How could they have betrayed our group? How could they have just abandoned us - and all without a sorry? I was the most hurt by R. She was the first girl I'd called while crying to tell her about my parents that last summer. I needed her. Sometimes, I still feel like I need her. I felt like I wasn't good enough. Clearly, I didn't meet the "popular" girls' standards to be invited to their parties and then into their group. Clearly, R did. A constant comparison of myself and other girls raged on. I felt like I was constantly missing out - like I deserved to be there. My jealousy turned into judgement of that group. I'd think about the wrong things they were doing - when deep down I wanted those experiences. I would talk about these rumors with the other people who were excluded. Sharing my rage with them felt like the right thing to do. This led to almost all of my friends ostracizing me.

Climbing out of that hole was hard - one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. My therapist, Caroline, has taught me so many lessons, one of which is this: she asked me to pick my three favorite flowers. I selected hydrangeas, roses, and tulips. She then told me to compare them - WHY was one better than the other? When I couldn't produce an answer, she smiled and said, "Exactly. You can't compare the three, because they all are their own unique entities with unique qualities that only they have. People are like that. Don't compare yourself to others when nobody is comparable to anybody else but their self."

That year, while I lost my best friend R, I met my current best friend, S. She brought light and laughter into the rest of my year. I stopped gossiping and started focusing on myself, rather than other people. I reminded myself that others' opinions of me are none of my business. This is not to say that I don't have slip ups, or bad days, or bad weeks. I'm still healing from my parents' separation, and from my best friend leaving me, and from my friend group's splitting. Maybe I always will be - but that doesn't mean that there isn't light at the end of the tunnel, where skies are blue. Skies don't have to be blue all the time - they can't possibly be. But Reader, you will get through your stormy rock-bottoms. Like waves, this too, shall pass :)