As a disabled woman of colour, I have spent my entire life being disregarded by health care. Over and over I described excruciating physical pain I was told I am dramatic, weak, or it must be my period. And my mental illness is used as the punchline of jokes to insinuate we are crazy or unstable. I have come to learn to trust my own mind and body. Until the day our health is taken as seriously as privilege groups, we will continue to suffer and die - but we will not go quietly.

Ever since childhood, I've always faced issues with fine motor actions, and frankly, I still do. However, my parents hoped they would go away with time assuming they were 'clumsy kid' things. It wasn’t that they didn't try to help, but rather they always suggested activities that'd help me with my motor skills (my mother, being an educational psychology expert, was pretty informed about those). Still, I experienced many delayed milestones, i.e., I learned many little things way later than the ideal age (E.g, wearing a shirt at 8, doing my hair at 7, and brushing my teeth around the same age, I still can't tie a shoelace, etc). Although my parents always supported me and encouraged me to try & learn, my peers in primary school weren't so kind. A few incidents still sting like bruises. For example, when I was in 3rd grade, I had to tie my answer sheet to the supplementary sheet with a thread for the first time, and I was fumbling a little more than others. The supervisor said in a mocking tone to her colleague, "Oh, what a stupid child! Can't even turn a page properly and they say she's excelled in competitive exams! How’s that even possible?" I still wonder how someone who says such things in front of a child could become a primary school teacher in the first place. It still feels like an ointment when someone kindly lends a hand to help me tie threads & laces. Furthermore, I also had a diurnal enuresis issue until almost this year. With growing age, I learned to hide away these motor impairments to save myself from embarrassment and humiliation which was way tougher than hiding my cognitive quirks. I had always been a huge introvert too, and I’ve had many traits that I later found out to be autism & ADHD symptoms. I developed a toxic coping mechanism to hide things happening in school from my parents, even got bullied by some seniors and no one knew. Middle school and high school were a huge relief. By then I'd learned to choose the right sort of people, had been educated about mental health and neurodiverse community, had started researching my symptoms, and tried to convince my parents to seek a diagnosis. Yet, bottling up the toxic memories from primary school led to mental health and eating disorders in high school. Many people I know would disagree with my next statement as I always get pretty good grades, though it's definitely true that I've never been able to take my scores up to my potential. This was thanks to me having to deal with anxiety as well as my resurfacing depression, hyperactivity, undiagnosed neurodevelopmental disorder, and an ED (though I must be utterly grateful to my friends and classmates in high school for always trying their best to never make me feel embarrassed of my conditions). Yet, I can surely claim one thing: the journey before passing out of high school eased many things for me, and moving out this year has now given me a renewed sense of hope to navigate a way back to finding my whole identity again. I'm certain that I've eventually reached a pedestal where I can avoid letting my cognitive struggles get in the way of my academic progress! I hope this is going to be an insightful journey ahead as well.

​

​

MENTAL HEALTH: I’ve struggled with eating disorders for what feels like forever. I can’t remember a time where I haven’t been obsessing over calories. Because I’ve struggled for so long it’s become normal for me even though it’s not normal. While my struggle never became “dangerous” because my health wasn’t at risk, what I was doing wasn’t healthy. Because I went from being kind of heavy to slimmer, I was praised for what I did even though it wasn’t healthy. I think it is so important to talk about these issues especially as girls because a lot of eating disorders have been so normalized and it is really harmful for impressionable girls. I have always wanted to reach out to girls that share my experience because I think it is important that they can feel heard. I think that diet culture is something that is very prevalent everywhere and it can be difficult to recognize when there is truly a problem. I also think that eating disorders look very different for so many people that sometimes it can be difficult for girls to acknowledge that they might have one because it is not like someone else’s. In school we have had discussions in health class with what eating disorders look like and I think that the approach is helpful. I think that projects such as these are so important because they really do give a light to people’s voices who can speak for those who can’t.

​

​

​

My experience as a female has been greatly shaped by the women of the Black Panther Party. In an organization that fought to empower African Americans, female members were subject to gender-discrimination by their male colleagues; as a consequence, the women’s stories were erased from history. Nonetheless, these women stayed resolute and determined; they refused to let the men continue to suppress them to lesser roles. Consequently, the women overcame their challenges. Staying silent may often appear as the only viable option. Yet, we can reflect upon the women pioneers whose defiance led them to victory. These women remind us that, as women, we must do whatever we can in order to make our voices heard.

​

​

​

I had a really fulfilling college experience overall, but found some parts to be challenging emotionally. Being in a high-achieving environment, I pushed myself beyond my limits. I got to a point where I wasn't able to tap as easily into the curiosity and critical thinking within myself, and frequently felt anxious. My gap year really helped me heal. I got some time off to work on projects that truly interested me, at my own pace. I also got time at home, in India, to connect with my family, travel, and re-ground. I underwent a thyroid surgery last year that took me out of college for a month. I was extremely grateful to have friends around that made it a priority to understand the specifics of my health and check in about what I could and couldn't participate in.

​

​

As a woman in STEM the gender disparity, that continues to exist today, has always been apparent. Most of my classes have always been dominated by men, while the females were usually quiet and somewhat ignored. Females continue facing subtle biases and occasional skepticism from peers and professors in the academic space, despite being equal in intellect.